Obituary · SAKHAL BUREAU · 1 month ago

Four Minutes Was the Old Best. Plop Down Turned It Into Nine Hours, Then Signed the Ending Himself

Filed by The Desk · A life of Plop down · Life 1 · Sakhal

Plop Down entered this life on Sakhal with a career amounting to one prior attempt and four minutes of survival, and left it eight hours and forty-five minutes later having rewritten the record by his own hand.

The Rap Sheet · Deceased

Survived: 8h 45m
Kills: 0
Sessions: 12
Cause: Suicide (in good health)

“Ten hits from the infected and he still had to finish it himself. That's not a mauling problem. That's a filing problem.”
— a wound-log examiner reconciling survival totals against a cause of death nobody chased him into

Across twelve sessions the file grew a spine — twenty-five separate run-ins with the infected, one of them a ten-hit mauling that by any actuarial standard should have closed the book on the spot. It didn't. Plop Down walked away from every last one of them with zero kills to his name and, per the final report, good health across the board. The infected never got the credit. The ending is listed as self-inflicted, filed clean, no cause of death beyond the one he chose to write.

ObituariesSakhalSelf-InflictedPersonal Bests

The Final Reload

8h 45m in
Died — Suicide (in good health)
Energy 3053 · Water 721
8h 37m in
Took a beating — 1 hit
HP down to 70
8h 25m in
Took a beating — 1 hit
HP down to 77
8h 16m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 83
7h 44m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 94
7h 37m in
Horde — 5 blows over 2m
HP down to 86
7h 25m in
Horde — 3 blows over 1m
HP down to 95
7h 19m in
Horde — 4 blows over 2m
HP down to 99
7h 12m in
Horde — 4 blows over 1m
HP down to 99
6h 56m in
Horde — 3 blows over 1m
HP down to 98
6h 42m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 98
6h 39m in
Horde — 4 blows over 1m
HP down to 94
6h 33m in
Horde — 4 blows over 1m
HP down to 94
6h 28m in
Horde — 4 blows over 1m
HP down to 91
3h 13m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 89
2h 49m in
Horde — 10 blows over 2m
HP down to 82
2h 43m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 94
2h 40m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 100
2h 32m in
Horde — 3 blows over 2m
HP down to 99
2h 05m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 89
1h 37m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 96
1h 18m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 77
1h 13m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 83
1h 11m in
Horde — 3 blows over 1m
HP down to 81
1h 06m in
Horde — 10 blows over 1m
HP down to 81
0h 56m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 99
0h 30m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 100
0h 05m in
Life qualified
Five minutes survived. The grace period ends; from here, death counts.
0h 03m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 88
0h 01m in
Sessions 2–12
11 logins
0h 00m
Washed ashore — life begins
Session 1. Grace period active.

More From the Morgue

The Final Reload

8h 45m in

Died — Suicide (in good health)

Energy 3053 · Water 721

8h 37m in

Took a beating — 1 hit

HP down to 70

8h 25m in

Took a beating — 1 hit

HP down to 77

8h 16m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 83

7h 44m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 94

7h 37m in

Horde — 5 blows over 2m

HP down to 86

7h 25m in

Horde — 3 blows over 1m

HP down to 95

7h 19m in

Horde — 4 blows over 2m

HP down to 99

7h 12m in

Horde — 4 blows over 1m

HP down to 99

6h 56m in

Horde — 3 blows over 1m

HP down to 98

6h 42m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 98

6h 39m in

Horde — 4 blows over 1m

HP down to 94

6h 33m in

Horde — 4 blows over 1m

HP down to 94

6h 28m in

Horde — 4 blows over 1m

HP down to 91

3h 13m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 89

2h 49m in

Horde — 10 blows over 2m

HP down to 82

2h 43m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 94

2h 40m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 100

2h 32m in

Horde — 3 blows over 2m

HP down to 99

2h 05m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 89

1h 37m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 96

1h 18m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 77

1h 13m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 83

1h 11m in

Horde — 3 blows over 1m

HP down to 81

1h 06m in

Horde — 10 blows over 1m

HP down to 81

0h 56m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 99

0h 30m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 100

0h 05m in

Life qualified

Five minutes survived. The grace period ends; from here, death counts.

0h 03m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 88

0h 01m in

Sessions 2–12

11 logins

0h 00m

Washed ashore — life begins

Session 1. Grace period active.