Obituary · SAKHAL BUREAU · 3 months ago

Fourteen Minutes In, sLOppYfATtacos Beat the Infected and Then Beat Himself

Filed by The Desk · A life of sLOppYfATtacos · Life 1 · Sakhal

sLOppYfATtacos stepped onto Sakhal with no record anywhere on the continent — no prior lives, no prior deaths, nothing — and left one behind within the quarter hour.

The Rap Sheet · Deceased

Survived: 0h 14m
Kills: 0
Sessions: 1
Cause: Suicide (starving)

“He didn't even get to the part where the cold usually does the talking.”
— a border watcher who logs first arrivals and rarely gets to log a second

The infected got one shot at him and made it count for two hits before he shook them off, which by the standards of this desk counts as a clean escape. Hunger did what the infected could not: by the fourteen-minute mark he was starving, and rather than let the map finish the sentence, he finished it himself. Zero kills, one session, one clean cut. The file opens and closes in the same paragraph.

ObituariesSakhalSelf-InflictedFirst Blood

The Final Reload

0h 14m in
Died — Suicide (starving)
Energy 0 · Water 362 · bleeding ×1
0h 05m in
Life qualified
Five minutes survived. The grace period ends; from here, death counts.
0h 02m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 87
0h 00m
Washed ashore — life begins
Session 1. Grace period active.

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