Obituary · SAKHAL BUREAU · 1 month ago

Happymeal126519 Survived Fourteen Infected and One Fire, Never Once Ate

Filed by The Desk · A life of Happymeal126519 · Life 1 · Sakhal

Eight sessions and nearly five hours were not enough for Happymeal126519 to locate a single meal on Sakhal, and the body eventually agreed with the math.

The Rap Sheet · Deceased

Survived: 4h 58m
Kills: 0
Sessions: 8
Cause: Starvation

“He beat the infected fourteen separate times and lost to a problem with no teeth at all.”
— a subsistence clerk who logs how many meals a survivor missed before the last one wrote the report

The infected tested him fourteen times, once to the tune of sixteen separate hits, and he came away from every encounter still breathing. He was set on fire exactly once and survived that too. None of it mattered. Zero kills went on the ledger, no prior lives existed anywhere to compare against, and the record shows a man who could apparently out-negotiate anything except his own appetite.

ObituariesSakhalEnvironmentIronic Callsigns

The Final Reload

4h 58m in
Died — Suicide (starving)
Energy 0 · Water 2302
2h 57m in
Horde — 5 blows over 1m
HP down to 92
2h 47m in
Infected — 2 blows
HP down to 77
2h 16m in
Horde — 6 blows over 2m
HP down to 84
2h 13m in
Horde — 4 blows over 1m
HP down to 98
2h 09m in
Horde — 4 blows over 1m
HP down to 95
2h 00m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 100
1h 59m in
Infected — 1 blow
HP down to 99
1h 38m in
Horde — 3 blows over 1m
HP down to 100
1h 34m in
Horde — 3 blows over 1m
HP down to 99
1h 07m in
Horde — 3 blows over 1m
HP down to 88
1h 02m in
Horde — 8 blows over 3m
HP down to 84
0h 58m in
Horde — 5 blows over 1m
HP down to 89
0h 52m in
Burned — 1 blow
HP down to 90
0h 34m in
Horde — 16 blows over 2m
HP down to 83
0h 12m in
Horde — 6 blows over 2m
HP down to 84
0h 05m in
Life qualified
Five minutes survived. The grace period ends; from here, death counts.
0h 01m in
Sessions 2–8
7 logins
0h 00m
Washed ashore — life begins
Session 1. Grace period active.

More From the Morgue

The Final Reload

4h 58m in

Died — Suicide (starving)

Energy 0 · Water 2302

2h 57m in

Horde — 5 blows over 1m

HP down to 92

2h 47m in

Infected — 2 blows

HP down to 77

2h 16m in

Horde — 6 blows over 2m

HP down to 84

2h 13m in

Horde — 4 blows over 1m

HP down to 98

2h 09m in

Horde — 4 blows over 1m

HP down to 95

2h 00m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 100

1h 59m in

Infected — 1 blow

HP down to 99

1h 38m in

Horde — 3 blows over 1m

HP down to 100

1h 34m in

Horde — 3 blows over 1m

HP down to 99

1h 07m in

Horde — 3 blows over 1m

HP down to 88

1h 02m in

Horde — 8 blows over 3m

HP down to 84

0h 58m in

Horde — 5 blows over 1m

HP down to 89

0h 52m in

Burned — 1 blow

HP down to 90

0h 34m in

Horde — 16 blows over 2m

HP down to 83

0h 12m in

Horde — 6 blows over 2m

HP down to 84

0h 05m in

Life qualified

Five minutes survived. The grace period ends; from here, death counts.

0h 01m in

Sessions 2–8

7 logins

0h 00m

Washed ashore — life begins

Session 1. Grace period active.